IndieAgora

Additionally, my gender therapist remarks that Butler's theory of queerness is completely dismissive of trans people's experiences. I am not trying to follow any of the societally defined gender roles. I am just a female. That is all.

It is another curious irony that women are often considered the artificial construct while having been associated with everything living and natural and men who have been designated as the bringers of artificial order are considered the untouched base which women should work towards being more like, that a woman isn't doing justice to woman-kind if she is not behaving as a rational man but a foolish mad raving witch.
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Yeah. There are lots of people who talk crap and don't even know what they are saying. Lots of prejudiced feminists and physical females who buy into and sell all sorts of ignorant and dismissive things and who don't really understand what it is at all to be in certain situations or positions.
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" For me the angle is coming from the other direction almost, that if someone wants to call this feminine, then so be it, but its real is the point, and its coming from a legitimate place, and regardless of people wrangling over names and terms, we feel it and we know it and we do it and we live it and its here and its real and its underneath as well as on top, and even if the top says this or that, its the real message underneath that doesn't and can't be denied.

On a very basic level there is an inclination for people to reject any sort of stereotypes, but what they might be forgetting is the words are little different than conventions and stereotypes, these are languages, and languages are meant to communicate and express things. What you express is so much more than people might even realize, down to the whole struggle taken on over any of it as well, it all means a great deal. People have to look past the sounds or the surface aspects and really try to see what is being said, why it is being said, and the real etymologies of our actions, choices, preferences, and ultimately the statements we make just by being and doing. "
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Sometimes I start to doubt my hate, and then pain, unwanted and extreme, hits and I remember how true everything I state and wish is, it all comes back to me.

Additionally, my gender therapist remarks that Butler's theory of queerness is completely dismissive of trans people's experiences. I am not trying to follow any of the societally defined gender roles. I am just a female. That is all.


I see nothing of the sort in Butler and there is a massive rejection of post-structuralism within feminism which I am aware of, I think it's because of performance coming across as 'not real/authentic' and this is simply not the case at all. Making Butlers' work into one concept/identity i.e. 'queer' means you've reified queer as the end in and of itself. My reading of Butler was an endless opening of possibilities and one that accepts sexual difference.

I came to the same conclusion myself, I am just me, take me as I come. 

I'm sorry if sharing my experience with you offends you in anyway, but that was what happened, I live an experimental lifestyle.

We all form groups based on how we act, how we act forms images which we define ourselves for others with and they in turn do the same, struggle is contingent. Identities are formed by images from the ego and this informs the subject to give the impression that we are not fragmented beings, but a coherent whole.

Have you found groups with which you identify? Could you all list them? I can make another thread for that, but golly gosh I can't seem to find any group with which to identify or feel at home with. Its really unpleasant even. There just seems to be nothing I can say really fits well with me, that I can really fit with.

It gets weirder though. I get flashes of things, images, that seem to represent me, but they are always singular figures, never part of a group, never duplicates. One of the images that keeps flashing is medieval art of a veiled face figure, their face can't be seen at all but they are some kind of spiritual teacher or something. There isn't more than one though.

​​I really want to be someone, something, have a cause to deep passionate about or fight for, to have a God and a country. I just don't. I am a stranger in every land, in every temple the things people say and do are always foreign to me.

I have never deeply felt companionship or comeradery with anyone.

Besides that, I am thinking about all the people who abandoned me in my life, all the girls who went away hurt and hurting me too. Its really so sad. I wonder what if anything they even knew about me even though I was always raw andvreal like this and never deceptive, becauseall I want is to be known and loved sincerely, the real me, which is why the veil over my face in those images that flash by. I am the thing that moves the figure. The veil is not to conceal but to reveal, to hide the fallacies, accidents, and distractions.

I am so untouched, and I live like a ghost. To be touched is to feel presence, to be held in place, embraced in a station by people, acknowledged without necessity of verbal approval or certificates. So much of my time has been to try to be here but always finding that here is a lonely place which none share.

I am rejected. I can't imagine, I can't even think of what a group of me would be. Maybe I could get in with Mourners, wailing at a funeral. It sounds a bit boring though. Maybe that is the trouble with groups. Maybe the other problem is I don't like taking orders or conforming to what I deem errors. Maybe the problem is that I only bow when I have to and not to anything except what makes me do so.

What is me?

Highly musanthropic while deeply compassionate.

Violent and utterly opposed to violence of any sort to anything.

Chaotic, hating chaos, living by it, working against it always.

What do I think of myself? I think I am really wonderful, and I wish everything thought that of me as well. That I really am the best. Absolutely Fabulous. Not God, but Me.

I don't know to be honest, I don't think I could define myself as belonging to a general over all group. I usually end up associated with groups and blamed for their actions, as are identity politics these days, but I treat others as they arrive, as they come.

I suppose the big divide these days is between those who bury heads in sand in regards to climate change and those who don't.

I think I am a head burier. I think I bury my head about everything because I feel utterly powerless to affect any change whatsoever in the world or what is decided anywhere by anyone. So I feel like I can relate a lot with the long dead. Powerless to say anything or to have their say in how they are interpreted. If someone asked me to fight for a cause, I would just hide away probably. Nothing in this world seems worth fighting for or defending except in a very direct way, but my chest hurts so much I am not sure I could put up much of a defense anyway. I really feel like the whole world, the entire Universe practically has let me go, like gravity just reversed and I am only forcing myself to hang on to it. What groups do got people probably is give them a sense of belonging and anchor them to the Earth with obligations and aspirations and people they want to stick around for or whatever. In my case, I walk with my hands, grabbing onto anything and pulling at it because I am being drawn violently away. Its as if my holding on is just the last of me, and the rest of me is already long gone into outerspace, where one does not give a sh*t about the plight of Palestine or puppy dogs. Gosh I just don't care! Its not even in a good way, I want to care, but its just so far away, even if I see tragedy right infrontvof me, I hate it but that is all I can do about what has happened. I can't make it not happen, I can't make it so nothing similar occurs again, nine of my appeals or petitions or protests seem to do anything in any form. I'm just like a ghost. Most people seem to be dead like me, but just don't want to talk about it. They would be hard pressed even making the smallest seemin lasting changes in their communities as well or in their neighbors homes or among their families.

They are the voiceless fricative, the bi-labial ffff

We are so much more like holograms than solid things. I've been negated. Maybe someone who is real and has a body which is mingled in the world can do something, but I have never seen it.

Humanity seems to have always held their head skyward, wanting to float above the ground, touching less and less so as not to be touched by it.
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" http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=felicity "

Often I feel if I am perceived at all it is as if a caricature, made up of things with the cruel irony of also being entirely alien to me. So that even if it were true it might be more pleasant, but I can't even make it so!

It is especially brutal when people don't believe me and instead believe their idiotic assumptions instead or insist on even the possibility of their lies they just thought up in order to draw their stupid unrelated figure of me. It is really frustrating. It is like someone who keeps saying "Well you are Mexican, so why not go to the Mexicans, surely your family can call up relatives in Mexico and get you to meet some Mexicans" when I have nothing to do with Mexico, have never been to Mexico, have no family connections to Mexico, nor anything remotely Latin American or Spanish, in any way at all. Its like pure madness. Go to these random people and do what? Why? What the hell!

The conversations I've had with people are nothing but absurdity after absurdity, as if a joke is being played on me. Not only do I feel completely unheard, but also completely unseen. I can be standing right there and what they are seeing or speaking to seems to be something only they can see which is saying things even while I am not. So I can't even have my body. This isn't even an exaggeration, people will just talk to me as if I have said something or even looked at them which I haven't and will be responding to things I never said and referring to a person I am not. These people may be insane but they seem to be the vast majority online and offline.

I have never in my life had a conversation with anyone who seems to not be speaking to this apparent guardian mask that they each invent that never says what I say or is what I am.

Please feel free to use this thread to state the most radical thinking and thoughts you can muster. Even better if these are radical thoughts you particularly hold and can defend your meaning and reasoning for. Though if you mention ideas which you find radical but don't subscribe to personally that is fine as well but should be mentioned.

I will begin by providing some examples. These can be philosophical positions or point to certain overall systems or theories but should be the sort of thing that is defensibly true or true-ish and can also be a personal position which appears obscure or politically incorrect or taboo.

Making mention of such things is to bring out into the open the extreme ideas we may secretly harbor or otherwise believe possible. Please don't make mention of mere illogical and senseless , they have to be at least workable and have some sense behind them while being radical or the sort of thing which might make trouble or get a gang of thugs to join in on a kicking spree of the odd one out.

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The value of women seems to me to be adjusted or increased by their perceived beauty or attractiveness while men are only saved in the view of many men by their ability to make one laugh. The ability to make one laugh can help an ugly woman but seems less helpful for her than it does for a man. The dominant mind in the use of most languages in literature appears to be male and thinking in such a fashion to the point where even women for the sake of speaking have adopted these common modes of self description and valuing themselves or their category based on male standards of beauty. If a woman is ugly, she appears in a great many senses doomed , but an ugly man feels that way as well , luckily they may have more strategies for acquiring or receiving help than an ugly woman in some ways at least. I have said all this to provide the background for the statement that I value women for their beauty and men for nothing really. If it came down to choosing between a man and a woman a woman would have more interest or value to me than a man even if he were more intelligent seeming than the woman. , so long is she is somewhat attractive whereas a man wouldn't be and my decision may just be the sort that saves the human race, keeping them longer in the tortures of Samsara.


The fundamentals of anything ever created by man can solve any complex problem made by man. The notion is that one needs to look all throughout time to find the answer. In other words, use data from all sources of worth. Like science and religion, or philosophy and math. Use conceptual theory and blend everything to create something that no one has ever thought of.


This includes ALL questions that we burdened ourselves with since the beginning of man. However, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the thinking of man so is it bad that we are here on the eve of destruction of our own planet? Well, yes and no. Its a chicken and egg scenario, a oxymoron. But anything worth in the universe first needs to suffer. Its like losing something and then realizing its importance only once you lost it. So, our suffering needs to happen, and for a good reason. Because the end is not really the end of the World, its a new beginning. like when Jesus said "I will be with you till the end of the world." but the actual word used was Aeon (age). I will be with you till the end of the aeon. Which is 2150, the age of Aquarius I believe. However, I would like to see this new World for myself so I'll try my best to help it heal in my own way and speed up this process.

Sounds very Accelerationist @"Intellectus"

I really enjoyed reading this again. I ended up here since I'm scrambling to save my recent posts on the other site that is still available to me, even though the site owner is busy and so inactive, but I was mainly the only one posting there already, but I haven't posted there since feeling they aren't often checking ir seeing anything.

I hope that nothing happens to my writing with the efforts to consolidate and combine posts, since I spent a lot if time writing, reading, and collecting all that I've put together and it was an unpleasant and painstaking process, plus irritating over the phone. Hopefully everything new and this site is backed up so that nothing is lost and anything can be reversed or replaced in case of accidents or losses while working on the site. My concern is that the extremely long pieces of writing, which were separated due to their length and the amounts of links in them, will either cut off or lose writing or won't post properly due to too many links or won't allow editing.

While I've been trying to quickly save everything all day today, after writing and reading for posts all day yesterday, I noticed that it was easiest for me to just "select all" and copy paste an entire page to the other site, but I couldn't do that in the cases where complete links didn't show, since then it would only copy paste what was visible, which was sometimes a link broken by ... In the middle of it, so I'd have to go into edit for those posts to get the full text or click copy link address by holding down on them using my phone. So if it isn't too much trouble, most links appear to be not much longer than the ... reduces anyway, so if full links could show, that would be extra convenient for me when I try to save things quickly.

If along with the viewable videos the complete link for them could show underneath or above them, that would help too, since any posts with viewable videos make it so that I have to go into the edit section to copy paste everything to get those links, which is fine, but slows things down slightly if the goal is to save things very quickly.

A chronological or reverse chronological "view all posts by" for every user would also be convenient for me to save all my writing in particular. Many sites that I've used now seemed to have something like that or implemented it upon request, the first site I saw such on might have been Free-Minds.org.

I think I've mainly managed to save all my work from recently since this site has been back but possibly not all from all my writing from 2017, as there are a lot of threads to go through, but I think that since you were able to retrieve all that to load onto here, you probably have that backed up and so it isn't at as much risk as I felt very recent and possibly much longer pieces with lots of links and quotes which would be very difficult to collect again, as they were difficult to collect in the first place, were at risk with the combining due to their length and the amount of links they have together which might exceed the usual post length permissions and link amount permissions. If those permissions were greatly expanded then combining them would feel less risky to me, and I wouldn't need to worry about editing and also having to post separate posts due to the length.

I loved looking back at this thread and others that I've seen. There are posts I've seen from the early 2000s and I have not changed at all. Fir some people that may be distressing, but for me, I appreciate my consistency, that I still like my style and ideas and way of expressing things, and that I still have the same thoughts and reactions to everything, I'd even say that I'm astoundingly stable and consistent, or "steadfast", and similarly nothing has changed in my habits in life too, except that circumstances have changed in some cases like having far fewer contacts or opportunities to communicate intimately and authentically, in a heartfelt and warm and informal manner as I like to, and had found many more opportunities for in the past when there were less people on the internet overall, curiously. Now I can scarcely find any place or people to be loose and free with and talk to, everyone is scared, uptight, socially awkward, shy, it just isn't as fun for me as it used to be, but despite that, so far, I keep going with my usual style and way of writing and also interacting with people when I can. I also hope that it sometimes rubs off on people and that they may start to feel more comfortable being real and raw too, rather than heading in all the other directions they seem to, from prickly to practically spectral or ephemeral by ghosting everyone.

The briefness of interactions that are so common now also discourages investment, and so the quality of everything seems to decrease too, since it just doesn't seem worth it to give your all to anyone or anything that just won't last or be there.

The same would be the feeling here if somehow my writing was lost, then it would seem fruitless to put in as much effort into things that seem less likely to last and can't be retrieved.

If everything broke really quickly, like material objects, I would be far less likely to buy or spend much on such things unless I felt that there was no other way, but I tend to feel slightly higher expenses can be justified by expectations of durability and that things can be used and returned to a lot for extra and repeated uses. There isn't all that much difference in how I calculate relationships with living things either, but moreso in the direction that I treat inanimate things very well rather than animate things "like objects", which typically has a pejorative implication, like that objects are alright to be bastardly with, which I absolutely hate when I see that, and I notice it among the angsty caucasians and people who are somehow privileged and nouveau riche too, flaunting disrespectful waste and destructiveness towards things they don't perceive much further use in after it has been replaced. There are videos of arrogant white teenagers smashing machines that have been put together, maybe they work or maybe they would need repairs, but the disgusting twerps smash and break the stuff that maybe someone could have made more productive use of, and this kind of violence, or the tearing of books, or people just callously cutting off from each other, really disgusts me.

I am very gentle with things, human or otherwise, and try to preserve and keep in a good state, protected, and well, healthy, benefitting, and at maximum potential for positive operation and use for as long as possible, everything I encounter and may be able to influence. I seem to be somewhat rare in that respect, among numerous things which seem that they may set me apart and other me from whatever spells seem to overtake various demographics.

I think of everything as an extension of myself if it is anywhere in my experience or captured within the orb of my senses, including anything I've encountered or could return to. Further than that, I consider all information, including reality and everything we consider physical, to be manifested by God, even if it is man-made or fabricated by us or we've witnessed the process of its production, even that process being a manifestation of what I've sometimes called The One Power. So being a disrespectful bastard and tearing and smashing and throwing things around, "like an animal" as people say but which is not very accurate since animals generally don't behave like that as far as I've seen, seems practically sacreligious to me, like one is showing their disregard, hatred, spite, ungratefulness, and nasty demeanor towards God and life, both of which I may not be terribly fond of myself, but mainly or at least due to the activities of human beings most of all, not even the products of people, but their scummy actions and behaviors.

How difficult is it for these mental cases to be gracious, elegant, dignified, and project the ideals that are most palatable, kindly, and valued by the great majority of all living creatures, not even just human beings?

There are people who see a fellow living creature just trying to survive, going about its business, and they lash out and injure it and mutilate it permanently, and kill it. What the f*ck? How dare you behave in such a way, and it is so thoughtless and ignorant, and truly despicable, especially if it has no really good reason or if they were afraid, then to take measures that preserve it but move it gently away or guide it elsewhere, not harming and not killing.

So I try never to do harm directly if I can help it, never to be purposefully cruel, never to be ill intended except towards such criminal miscreants that may need to be treated with more sternness and less tolerance as they might only respond to harsher methods as well as deserving it and that others should fear too.

Like there are people who really seem to need to be properly flamed and bullied, even physically beaten or punished in other ways for the things that they say, promote, and especially do, and I don't believe that many of them can be reasoned with or rehabilitated because their neurology is so contorted and it only may get more twisted with age, that the sooner they die one one way or another, it would be best for anyone that might have otherwise had to deal with them at any point, because they have no interest in even trying to restrain their most perverse qualities and destructive tendencies and irresponsibility and lack of empathy, even consistent pretending would be better for anyone without natural beauty innately, so that they fake it until they make it, and even if it is somehow difficult for some people not to go out of their way to be rude sh*ts or irritants or even crybullies annoying everyone with accusations, there might be a more consistent effort in trying if people made intelligent efforts to respond to uncivil behavior, but instead lunatics seem to be running free or the only ones to try to create their own "order" by ganging up and bullying or terrorizing people who are made to fear speaking up at all, a flipped situation, when these miscreants should have been the ones that people kept shutting down as soon as they come up with harming innocents, which seems to be their penchant, as they prey on the easiest and least likely to fight back, and they are even protected by a legal system where many of them may have infiltrated it or be the relatives of people in it.

So, even though I try to get people to really push their thinking, I'm probably not very radical actually, and just may appear that way due to a world having gone mad by being very docile towards the instructions and suggestions of predatory abd exploitative shepherds and their not giving much thought to anything the most evil people are telling them to do.

I am personally "straight edge" and believe in being very "Paladin" like, Knightly, Chivalrous, Noble, Virtuous, Polite, "Old Fashioned", "Traditional", "Honorable", and obligated and dutiful about maintaining every decency possible, with all sorts of tact and restraint where I think it counts, empathetic, courteous, considerate, not just to people but to everything, the insects, the plants, and inanimate things, walking gently upon the Earth.

To go along with that, beauty is of the utmost importance and priority to me, to be beautiful and lovable in every way that I can be, so palatable, friendly, valuable, skilled, pleasant, so that few can rightfully deny that I am worthy and best.

With all that, part of it is to be "real" and very open and intimate with everything, to be like family and present with people and invested and passionate rather than aloof and callous or "I could care less whether you live or die or about what you do or don't do", I really do feel and care what people are doing and want them to do what I think is good and best, especially since the more influence or exposure I think that I have with someone, they feel all the more connected and like an extension of myself that I feel abd live vicariously through, so I want to feel good through their successes too, and I hate to see the people I know to be suffering or hurt or harmed, and even worse than being tortured is that they are doing evil to themselves or others.

When it comes to all the dark things I make use of, these things I turn to the best possible meanings and uses, never letting them mean anything bad, whether they are considered "demonic" by others or not, in my opinion those people who demonize and make ugly and follow the ugliness are fools and moreover true enemies and impious, sacreligious deviants, even if they think their way is the right way by defaming things instead of turning them to better uses if they can. Similar such may also be the ones who claim good things or things which can be good are evil and that evil things which can never be right or good are and can be because of some twisted mumbo jumbo and lies they've come up with, and we see such true devil and demons on open display these days promoting the massacring of innocents and doing just that, and who plan to do such even to everyone else too as the people seem to wait in suspense for nothing but the same, as the evil has been unveiled, but still there is a pressure from the criminals in positions of power and who are positioned to influence to deny what is boldfaced and blatantly obvious and clear, and then people confuse themselves with detached cerebral wranglings, allowing themselves to be r*ped right in full view. It should be shameful and an embarrassment to give trash that deserves immediate execution even an inch, may they no longer breathe. I hope for a great purge that leads to enormous casualties among these enemies of humankind but I don't expect such if even this can't motivate a complete upheaval when there are not as many measures yet in place that would make such all the more difficult.

So I value what I consider beauty very highly, and also the hatred of what I consider the opposite of beauty, which is stuff like what we are seeing among some people and their supporters.

I would likely be lying if I said I believe that there is room for people to be destructive or imposing upon others what is despicable or that they should hide and say what they don't even think is right or true or be forced to contribute to such and to participate. I do not believe that those I consider dangerous and perverse enemies to life and humanity and animal kind who are disrespectful and destructive towards everything, including truth and history, have any right to exist anywhere in any way or should be dealt with in such a way to keep such diseased and rabid predators around polluting existence, they serve no purpose except to be exemplars of evilness and what not to do and be like, but what to strike at and completely purge into extinction, just like they wish to do and have always wished to do to anything even scarcely good, noble, strong, and beautiful.

People use such arguments against many groups of people where these statements act as an exaggeration, where in the case of today's evildoers they might be an understatement.

Nothing is truly radical about hating what is almost universally considered vile among humankind, which even animals would likely be distressed and displeased by. Sane people do not want to inflict suffering or experience it, they do not want to be excessive, they want harmony, peace, security, balance, cordial relations, loyalty, trust, they don't want people cheating or cheating on them, they don't want lots of traumatic stories or actions which imply certain distressing things, like not being cared for or meaning anything or being truly and unreasonably disrespected and disregarded.

Everything seems so damn straightforward and simple to me, but freaks rise up to argue back? There are people arguing for m*l*st*ng children and t*rt*r*ng animals! The majority are always going to be against such things hopefully, but certainly the thoughtful and beneficent could never accept those things if they can reason why they aren't right. There were perverts advocating and promoting the s*x**l abuse of their own children, basically r*p*ng them since childhood and promoting that other parents should do the same, and such deviants are given equal voice or even more than any voice for normality and sanity. I totally believe that beheading such people, like with the guillotine, would be a wonderful thing, for people who are unrepentantly r*p*ng children who didn't chose to be around them in the first place. May their f*cking despicable heads roll and their faces be burned off. That is not radical, my sentiments are mainstream, even though in this Satanic hellscape that is being formed, such sentiments might be pejoratively attacked with near empty accusatory epithets like "fundamentalist" or "t*rr*ristic", when terror is important to keep these sorts of freaks at least in the shadows, though it is best if they are exposed, but only if that is followed by their being corrected, which is unlikely, or eliminated or at least taken out of action and unable to continue harming and spreading harm everywhere they may impact, they are poisonous and should be dealt with as a hazardous material. Is that radical? It never was. Mine is the way and the belief of the majority of life forms, past and present. What argument or discussion is there to be had with a serial r*p*st or irresponsible philanderer or unceasing spreader of AIDS or other diseases that they have knowledge of but ignore and literally lead to the destruction of so many lives and futures? They should not be allowed to continue or be trusted after demonstrated this behavior repeatedly, they should be stopped, as completely as necessary, and their complete ceasing and permanent removal from circulation should be celebrated and the greatest relief.

It should even be an action of the people, when the administering of the law has been taken over by worthless people and criminals themselves, to take measures to make life safer for themselves, like literally killing if necessary someone going around spreading life threatening and life destroying illnesses among the population that then can spread further and further. How is any of this radical truly? They would call people calling for simple action "radicals", when meandering non-solutions extend harm far beyond a quick end to a threat.

People love the stories, at least partially, about a threat emerging in public and it quickly being eliminated forever, like someone starting to shoot at innocents and being incapacitated or killed by the public taking swift action to end the problem. Who likes to hear that the reasonable responders are then punished for what was right to do for the public safety, their own safety and that of everyone around? They call that "vigilantism" and try to out it down with yet another nearly empty term given a negative "tsk tsk" sense attached to it and then stories are circulated about how ome should never lift a finger when a criminal is committing crimes, especially if that criminal is a representative, leader, or administrator from the managing class, no you must let them do as much harm to you or your neighbors and peers and community abd surroundings, because they are some person similar to you who has crowned themselves as the chiefest of the deviants, an untouchable of the highest rank. They even blame the people "you put us here, now suffer". I encourage everyone that I don't know to do whatever they can against such people, and to those I do know, to take much more precaution as I do not want risks or harm or danger brought near among anyone I know more closely, but for the airwaves, as long as it remains somewhat legal, everyone should be told to be conscientious and volatile, not to hand over any protective and defensive measures to predators trying to game things against innocents and make them as totally vulnerable to victimization without possible response as possible, to thoroughly de-claw and de-fang the populace to allow for the most perfect r*pes and m*rders for the enemies of all living things.

See, this was one post that had to be made into two, but this was my whole flow, allowed to go wherever it would and did.