Same here. Also I get things easily just mentioned passingly rather than the immense difficulties involved with simply really wanting something even straightforward. For example the other day I saw some transhumanism thing at Safeway and thought oh I might like to read that. Then ended up going to a thrift store and seeing it there for a few cents or a dollar and got it. I also got a book from there called Messages From Michael about an entity called Michael saying things like me on a oujia board as well as some other books that I am already familiar with and which are important to my work such as Theogony, The Prince, and "Understanding". From another thrift store earlier I also got Britain's Most Notorius Hangmen on the Bedlam theme track I posted earlier to see if you would write anything on it in your free time. I don't know where.
Mentioned that day also was "potted plants and getting potted plants" just as a passing thing and looking at the little nearby garden. At the end of the day there were two potted plants sitting on top of the trash at the train station. Picked those up and brought them home. Merilly, Merrily, Mirily, Merryly, life is but a dream.
I really enjoy this topic.
Crowley had many psychological and interesting takes on things in his convincing apologetics to make the people interested not feel so wacky about what they are doing perhaps but doing so is really taking a knife to the throat of a living thing and killing it.
I like his writing and explanations as well but I don't even think he necessarily believed them himself, similar to Anton LaVey possibly and others. All we find out by such efforts is that they still believe in people, so that they need to try to convince them of things no matter what it takes, such as saying things which sound reasonable even if they are invented as products simply to fit some need such as "being rational" or "explaining what you like to do". Maybe he did believe it, but I get the feeling that the amount of what he did was not really consistent with that explanation an certainly isn't for me.
I can never really say that any of this is for me psychological or realistic in the way people tend to use the term. So much mystical stuff is constant in my life that it literally appears to be some sort of dream and the furthest thing from sane or stable. Things just appear before me, messages are repeated from everywhere, humans are used like tools and simply do exactly like they are nothing themselves nor appear to be independent at all.
I was just sitting and hearing someone bring up Azazel and the movie about a transferring demon with Denzel Washington and then the song from that movie and theme was brought up and he says "Tiiiime is on my siiide" then a guy right outside my window was singing that. Another time I was looking for a song and the person outside the window that moment is singing it.
So my looney tune ideas stem from my reality too. I don't say crap that just sounds nice to me because I want to. I very literally believe everyone is a soulless slave of the power and all messenger types seem to be tested and tempted with an offer to speak lies just to say what people might believe and want to hear.
When you don't do it, you don't get anything but kicked in the arse and ridiculed and tortured and little kids run around mocking you, it even happens in the Bible just before the bears incident.
So definitely not a world of preference in the least, nor one which I am pleased with or in agreement with. If I could say no to it, I would and I do. Even typing these words and deleting these stupid repetitions and then it places a period where something repeated was deleted are all just horribly sh*tty things to do to me.
Like Job though, I try to continuously say what to me seems most true and right, not to convince those who in an instant can all be made to say yes yes, but to speak and utter only the truth. I hate the truth, and I wish it weren't so, but that is what I try to do, compulsively, unwillingly, stupidly, hatefully.
I don't think Crowley was doing that or like that. I think he believed in wackier stuff and had certain interests but dishonestly provided to people he was deceived by with lame excuses.
When you know everyone very literally as God and yourself, you have no need to lie for the most part and can be entirely sincere. Who the f*ck are we fooling or trying to fool afterall? Only ourselves are being fooled if we make an effort to mislead or deceive or slowly take people through false stages and build up through language and rhetoric a false world.
My artworks include my writing here, its all raging and its purpose is only to shout in screaming pain. I don't talk about anything, I don't try to tell people anything, I am like a dog's chew toy being pierced and pressured by the SHIN and squeeking.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shin_(letter)
So what was Crowley? I don't know, but he seems to have been a chubbyish bisexual with eccentric interests coupled with boredom who wanted to make up some stuff and do some things and justify them.
In that sense, his definition might indeed reflect more of his personality, since he made up stuff after the fact of simply wanting to do things. His desires seemed to justify the means and the ends, perhaps in some ways like a psychopath. Explanations put on top to explain to the grand Mummy of Shaming why indeed the pot was broken or his lusts were followed.
I like psychology and psycho-analysis even, and science even, and even Crowley, and even eveness, Evanescence even, but I can't approve of this sort of irritating Christian sort of behavior. Also it isn't auto-correct, it seems to just plug in an earlier word or some random punctuation or switch things around lol.
Anyway though there appeared to be no lag in writing this out though or at least nothing like it was before, not even comparable.
Crowley has not assisted me much. His fans on the disgusting LASHTAL website are annoying bastards. All that they seem to take from it is the tendency to try to boringly rationalize things and imitate his "realism" which to me is never anything but the facade of madmen.
I'm the real deal. A real looney tune. I don't mask anything because I am in far too much pain to give a sh*t if someone whose skull I'd want crushed doesn't nod in agreement with me. They are just puppets and slaves like me. I also don't believe my interests or desires are my own or hold any priority or value. I live in a world of aimless fecal matter unhappily and scrounge around eating and kicking sh*t because there is nothing more noble to do.
If Aleister was like me, he might have lived a happier life, being friendless and unloved and furthest from admiration. Aleister Crowley is beloved and respected by many intelligent people past and today supposedly. I too like him, but if I ever met him, out of us both I am certainly the most or more real.
The comparison is important. A real exposed mystic and a masked horny dude. Psychology was very new and to say things with this new science like how New Age people keep saying Quantum over and over again or Atoms or whatever just to sound convincing about wanting to dance around naked smells a bit cowardly to me. It says more about the world they live in than it says about the reality and does not act in my view as reflective of their real beliefs or thoughts or in accordance with their actions. They are lying.
Lies can be true as well, when they are things which are inspiring or wise but not representative of what the person really thinks or intends.
Crowley has by formalizing many things in certainways become a stumbling block to the mystic reality and entry into the haunted world realization. That is what you get for trying.